Month: April 2016

April is a special month for me and today I have come full circle. You see, one year ago today, my life changed it’s course. I had no idea about the journey I was about to begin. I often refer to this day as “The day that changed my life”…

It all goes back to the choices we make in this life and I can only speak for myself, as there were choices made by others beyond my control that set  me on the path that brought me to this very moment.  I pause in  a moment of reflection of the surprises our God has bestowed on me.

I followed my heart one year ago today and gave gifts to those dear to me. As I have mentioned before that is my calling, to give of myself to others. Whether it be a simple gesture or a thought out gift, giving is what brings me fulfillment in this life.  What a grand feeling it is to make others happy! I have never understood people who don’t have that desire.

A year ago events transpired that made me realize that I am worthy of Love. It is hard to face a reality, that you have been accepting a life that is not in line with God’s priorities for you. That moment when your heart tells you that you have been tolerating a  way of life that is way less than you deserve. It is far too easy to fall into complacency and never expect more. To get used to being ignored, overlooked, to get used to being alone, even within a relationship.

A year ago, only by God’s grace I stepped on a path back towards God’s will for my life. It took great courage and the heaven sent Angels he placed on my path are the crutch I clung to at times. In moments when I didn’t know what to do, when fear overwhelmed me to a point of uncertainty. It was these beautiful souls who brought me a great comfort that went beyond the depths of my heart and poured into my soul.  As you can imagine, they gave me a taste of what it feels like to be loved sincerely, to be remembered and reminded me of my worth.

The beauty of it all is I can stand strong all on my own now, but I don’t want to. I could never imagine my life without these heaven sent people that the God of Surprises placed on my path years ago. He knew I would need them so desperately and he always provides, in ways we can never imagine or predict.  Words will never satisfy the thanksgiving and Love that I have in my heart for these souls.

Today, ponder about your life? If you are in a relationship is God first? Does your relationship bring you closer to Christ? To the men reading this, are you being the spiritual leader your wife needs, lovingly guiding, nurturing and building up your spouse in the ways of the Lord?

Wherever you are in this life, whatever you do in this life, do all things in love… Love never fails.

 

 

 

It is late Thursday night and I am not sure what to write, I feel as though my thoughts have been all over the place. I did challenge myself to write a daily blog for the first eight days in April. Today is day seven. I can’t stop now. So I will write about what I love and just see what words come to the keyboard. I love music and the song “It is well with my soul” by Bethel Music, has brought me great comfort whenever I hear it. Yesterday evening on my way home I felt a deep uneasiness and worry.  I naturally felt drawn to seek comfort in music, a type of therapy I suppose. I played music roulette and intentionally not looking down randomly selected with a fast scroll and tap from my music playlist on my phone.  I have hundreds of songs in my music library and the song that started playing was “It is well with My Soul”.  The song instantly reminded me that God is right there with me and reminded me of my dear adopted mother Madolyn and our time at the Catholic Women’s conference in August of last year. A blessed weekend we shared as I was searching for so many answers.When I say I love music, that doesn’t give the feeling I have when I hear beautiful music justice. Music evokes emotion within me that I cannot describe, it is a source of motivation and speaks to my soul and touches me in a way I find hard to express. I am sure if you are a music lover you understand what I am trying to say. When you hear a song that you resonate with so strongly that it moves you. A song be it the lyrics or melody or the artistic combination of the two can move my heart and soul to a place of peace, happiness, joy, energy, contemplation, takes me somewhere beautiful… There is power in music. 

I have never understood those who don’t get into music or feel passionate about it but that is the beauty of how God made each of us so different and unique. I can live without tv, and a great deal of many other things but I cannot live without music. At least I would miss the depth and richness it adds to my life. I enjoy almost all genre’s but one of my favorites is country and the music artist Brett Eldredge sings a song titled: “Wanna Be That Song” it is a truly beautiful song. The first time I heard this song play, a line struck me with its truth. I instantly smiled and couldn’t help but think about the season I was in at that time in my life.  The line I am referring to is when he sings: “Every life has a soundtrack….”, Oh, how utterly true that is! I cannot deny that line, at least for my own life. If you haven’t already I challenge you to reflect on the soundtrack of your life.  Because whether you realize it or not I bet you have one! It is amazing how you can hear a song and it can take you back to a moment in time, or you recall someone who is dear to you…Take a moment to listen to this beautiful song, who would you sing this to? Where do you belong? I am sure your heart knows…

 

I have so many thoughts in my mind and my heart. This week I have been pondering and reflecting on many things. The longing of my heart never quiets, in regards to love and the choices we make in this life. In my youth, I felt free and wanted to be loved. I wondered in my youth, why so many seemed so strong and independent and others were very clearly searching for their other half. Maybe the strong ones just hid it well.

I’ve learned a great deal from others in this life and have witnessed their own struggles. I’ve become good at observing the human condition, it  never ceases to amaze me how weak we all are. How weak I am, an unworthy creature but yet God loves me and has mercy on me. And oh how God loves you.

About a month ago a co-worker and I had a brief conversation. He expressed that he doesn’t believe in rules, that they don’t matter as bad as life can be. He clearly had many wounds in this life. He went on to say that he just wanted to do what made him happy in the moment, “whatever makes you smile.” I replied, that is where you are wrong, you state you want freedom and happiness, but what you describe does not lead to happiness but only pain and bondage.

The scars we carry from the mistakes learned in life can help us grow but at times teach us to put up walls around our hearts. These walls can make one extremely careless to live this life recklessly without thinking of the consequences or it can cause one to close the door of their heart and live in fear. It takes great trust in the Lord to wait on his time, time for healing and for him to reveal his will for our lives.

I have often pondered that if my heart were to ever truly love again which in itself is to be vulnerable, it would take a special man who could patiently care enough to break down the walls of my heart.  Even if that were so, I often feel that a miracle has greater odds. There is also a great comfort in not having the expectation of such a hero but rather to guard the heart…

Although, I am constantly in awe of the divine inklings and signal graces provided to me by God. He is so gracious. I know God speaks to me in a very unique way. In those moments, that are far too personal in the signs I receive, I know in my heart this cannot be coincidence. These signs bring me comfort in God’s plan for my life. In this life, it is a gift to be aware of those special messages from God. I realize what a treasure the special, rare people he has allowed me to know, they are also signs from God.  Proof that God loves me abundantly. So much so, that he has graced my life with these dear souls that share the same truth in their hearts as I.  The fact that he has placed these people on our paths, is that which never ceases to amaze me.  I will always cherish those true and faithful friends that I am blessed by. I only hope to be a blessing to them as long as I walk this earth. I find myself constantly praying for them and thanking God for the gift of knowing them. Who are you thankful for? Who has blessed you in this life?

 

 

 

Have you ever listened to the song “I want to Know What Love is”  by Foreigner, it is a beautiful song and one of my favorites. I am listening to it right now. In the lyrics, you can detect that longing that is tied into the very being and essence of our human nature, that longing for more. The desire for something greater that is outside ourselves, the need to fill a void. Many seek fulfillment in romantic love and relationships. Only to be left unsatisfied. The only person who can truly satisfy that longing in your heart, is Jesus Christ.

 

The mistake too many make today in relationships is when they find themselves involved with someone, they place them on this pedestal. They make them their own Jesus. In a way that the person they are with could never live up to or satisfy the way our good Lord Jesus does. You see, I make a good Amanda but I am a horrible Jesus, I am not him and can never be him. That is why so many relationships fail because the hope placed in the other is unrealistic and thus sets them up for failure.

In this life, I pray you take the time to find Jesus. Find the peace and the comfort that he provides. He is the only one who can take your burdens away and his love never fails.

Anger is the root of destruction. It has destroyed marriages and hardened hearts. Pride in relationships can tear apart and blind a couple from the good they bring one another. Pride can be a wedge that begins and lays the way for the breakdown of a marriage.

This afternoon I had a conversation with a dear sister in Christ. She had reached out and shared that her parents were going through a divorce. It had made her heart very heavy with despair. She shared how it makes her lose hope in Love, in the fight for it. After all, True Virtuous Love as I have mentioned before doesn’t come easy, it requires sacrifice.

She even asked, “what is Love?” “What makes that person so special?” She has often referred to her husband as her, “other half.” She is amazed at how God has provided an other half, for so many in this world.

Her repeated question intrigued me…. “What makes that other person so special among all the rest?” She ponders, out of all the people that are out there, why does THAT ONE Person become the One? I told her I believed it was timing. If you have the compatibility and chemistry that is one thing but another factor many don’t consider is, timing. 

I believe in God’s time, if it is his will, God will bless and provide a true love to those patiently waiting on him.  To those seeking his guidance in their longing for that other half that so many are blessed with.

Only if those that have found that person already, could cherish their other half, a little more each day and never stop showing the effort they did at the beginning of their relationship then maybe marriages wouldn’t be falling apart every day.

I recently read somewhere, probably online. That it takes about three to four years to really get to know someone. It’s funny because we all wear masks in this life. We have the mask we wear at work, the mask some wear at church and then at home we usually get to take off that mask and be ourselves.

Many times we guard ourselves from wounds and insecurities from our past. When we spend time with close friends we may not even feel confident enough to trust in them and reveal ourselves completely. And thus many live their lives, among so many without truly being known.

There is a peace though, even if your afraid and find comfort in those masks and feel safe keeping a distance from those in your life to give all to Jesus. He truly knows you.  He is yours and you are his beloved. He knows your fears and is always there to run to when you feel the pain of not being truly known.

I believe we fear that if we are truly known to those we love, we may lose their love, that they may see how damaged and flawed we can be and that is when fear creeps in and no one likes rejection. So there we go running to our masks, portraying only a glimpse of the real you, the aspects you feel safe showing the world.

If you ever find someone that you can bare your soul to and have their complete trust, hold on to that. That is rare.

 

 

One thing I realize, is that TRUE love is rare. The Love portrayed in the movies based on lust and where everything workouts almost too often perfectly, is not reality. True love requires sacrifice, there is no room for selfishness as you desire to put the other first. It requires one to be selfless, this should come naturally if you really love that person, sure some days may be hard but that is the beauty when two people give not fifty percent but one hundred percent each as I’ve heard before, is the key to a beautiful marriage. To Love someone so much that you want whats best for them and you desire to never hurt them but to only be a blessing to them all the days of their life. What a beautiful vocation marriage can be, if it is rooted in God. Where the husband is the spiritual leader who guides and protects his spouse with great love and fidelity. Too often, I have seen marriages that are out of balance, priorities are not right, God is not first, one spouse is putting in seventy-five percent and the other not much effort at all,etc. In this life, there will be trials, blessings and losses but the beauty of a TRUE VIRTUOUS LOVE is you have a best friend to walk this journey with you.

It always brings my heart great joy to see happy marriages. I mean truly happy marriages. When two spouses truly love one another, it is seen so clearly in the way they interact. Whether it be in their embrace, their words or the tears shed when one of them has to leave on a trip. How sweet it is. I have been blessed to see such a beautiful marriage in my own adopted mom’s life. Her husband is so good to her that it makes my heart so happy! When you really love someone, you want the best for them. I love my adopted mom, Maddie. When I see how beautiful her marriage is it makes me very happy because of the great Love I have for her. I love her dearly and all I want is her happiness. And there it is… When you truly love someone, whether friend or spouse, you truly want their happiness first. Above your desires, you are willing to pray and sacrifice to help build them up and help them grow into the person God created them to be on this journey called life. Whether it be love of a spouse or a friend if you have known true virtuous love, you will realize there is no other way to love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Have you ever wanted to express the deep feelings that have been pinned down into the recesses of your heart, where the longing to communicate all that you have been welling up inside aches so badly to be told… But you fear. You fear it is not the right time, or you fear the response you might receive.

One thing I’ve learned in this life, is to be brave. You only have today. Say what’s in your heart, leave no words unsaid. Then why? Why, is it so hard to do? I believe it’s because if your able to reveal the thoughts of your heart to someone you love, baring completely and allowing yourself to be totally raw, vulnerable and real, there is this chance, that they may express what’s in their heart…and maybe just maybe, both of you would be called away from your comfort zones.

And what if it’s scary? There’s uncertainty, but what if it’s beautiful? And possibly, the door the Lord has been waiting for you to open. Who do you long to understand? Is it someone that you pray for?

What if they told you the deepest desires of their heart with complete trust? How would you respond?

Ask God for guidance, if it is his will, he will give you the moment and you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the time is now.

Time to bear all that you dream, your heart is an ocean… Only share with those worthy of your trust. God will provide the time and place.